Blog 99: eh?

the similarities..

both main characters in these movies have the same illness as me...

 n both of them did not make it... 

the question is...

can i beat the odds?

and if it is my time to go...

will i be ready?

Blog 98: double standard...

hidup ni penuh dengan situasi double standard, kan? x pecaya? kadang2 aku rase situasi aku pon ade gak sikit2 elemen double standardnye....

bile manusia golongan aku yg ala2 saiz triple xxxl, yg sakit jantong or darah tinggi or kencing manis, serta merta pikiran org akan terus piker, tula.. sape suroh x jage makan? sape suroh melantak cam x penah nampak makanan? kalau filem melayu yg ade scene org tumbam musti ade scene makan macam raksasa gorgon.. amek peha ayam belasah makan macam x penah nampak ayam goreng... aish.... setau akula yg x penah kurus ni... x penah sekali pon aku makan cam dinasor t-rex, terpelanting sume ayam goreng n beef steak...

cube kalau aku ni selim melim 45 kilo, muka plak sejibik cam nora elena, tetibe cakap ade sakit jantong sure ramai yg simpati siap berlari2 dalam hujan lalu terjelepok jatuh melutut sambil menadah tangan ke langit skali ngan bercucuran air mata sambil berkata, "why God? why her? why do you make her suffer?".... haish....

bile aku cakap my heart is failing, ramai yg bagi first impression begini...

a) jaga makan tu, elak kan makan menda berkolestrol tinggi... cuba diet sikit, kurangkan makan nasik..

b) cube eksersais sikit, duduk jek... skali skala jogging ke, brisk walking ke... swimming ke....

pasal ape?... pasal aku x kurus... cuba kalau aku versi nora elena yg 45 kilo tu... takdenye org suruh diet ke, jogging ke... adil ke tak?

aku bukan nye marah, dah lama aku berhadapan dengan sikap sesetengah manusia yg double standard camni... dah x rase ape dah.. cuma kadang2 aku sedih bila kata2 nasihat ni datang from orang2 yg rapat ngan aku (relatives, colleagues etc) yg boleh nampak dengan jelas perbezaan aku bile aku sakit n bila aku rase ok sikit....

tapi ape yg aku boleh buat? mulut orang bukan aku boleh kawal... tula pasal kadang2 aku harap sangat supaya golongan yg suka bagi nasihat ni sila lah buat research sikit... don't get me wrong, bukan nya aku ni perasan bagos sampai tak boleh terima nasihat, cuma kadang2 nawaitu awal yg baik bile dah start makan dalam, dah jadik lain pulak ceritanye.... betol tak?

p/s: pada org yg pernah bertanya soalan cepumas ni.. yes, aku boleh berenang dengan baik n of coz aku boleh timbul dalam swimming pool... ape punya soalan daa... kayu balak pon boley timbul... soalan bajet nak wat lawak tp tang mana part klakarnye aku pon tak tau.. hais.. manusia.. manusia...

~DANIEL~

on each of the bad days of my painful life...

when i start to feel that feeling of lost and hopeless grief...

i close my eyes and picture the ones i love; my parents and siblings, my nieces...

and finally...

towards the very end...

he will always be there, with that special smile on his face...

my last piece of strength and hope... 

the last piece of the puzzle...

Blog 97: confounded..

a very chaotic day, with people busy filling their DG44 forms and making sure that everything is completed... i received the form with mixed feelings, on whether to fill it or not. technically, i am eligible to apply, i comply to the sufficient service time required and i passed the necessary exams needed... so why am i feeling like this?

people around me said that it is my right, i earned it fair and square, so what's with the long face?

personally, i lost the will to aim for all these increments and perks when i was jolted back to reality with the constant lingering feeling of guilt due to the fact that i did not perform as much as i am being paid, an issue that is always being brought up when my name was being mentioned... i was stripped bare with issues of what's right and what's wrong, the concept of halal and haram, and how my present condition was seen as being incompetent rather that me not being able to give and give like what i have been doing for the past 9 years of my teaching career..

people who understood my situation would say that i am being foolish, stupid enough to take heed of those useless people who love to vilipend and question my self worth and my capabilities... i appreciate their undivided faith n support but then again...

i am also an ordinary human being, with a good set of ears and a sensitive heart, a weak one but still sensitive nevertheless...

so do tell me what am i supposed to feel when i heard negative remarks towards me? i might cover them with my smile but pieces of me are crumbling, bit by bit....

thank you so very much that... i hope you will feel what i have been feeling all these while and if Allah is kind enough, HE will let me be there as a constant reminder of how much pain you have brought upon me...

Blog 96: RIP steve jobs!

Steve Jobs, the brain behind the apple technology passed away last tuesday after losing his final battle against pancreatic cancer..

a huge, huge lost to the world of technology... a visionary.. a superb inventor.. a risk taker... and most importantly, a person who knew how to use his limited time efficiently and brought a huge impact to everyone around him...

Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything – all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure – these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart."

"Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma – which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important,  have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary."                                                                          ~Steve Jobs 1955-2011~

RIP steve jobs... thank you for your wonderful contribution to humanity.. thank you for looking at your illness positively and make full use of all the time that you have to pioneer a revolutionary technology...

just a small thought...

with the time that i have... 

can i at least create a small tiny ripple in someone's life? 

i really hope i could....