Blog 53: i am a horrible pretender....

time: 6.00 p.m.

i hereby declare myself as a horrible pretender... why? simply because i can't act like everything is ok if it's not... however, i refuse to use the word 'hypocrite' here becoz it has a vast meaning n i couldn't be 100% sure dat i am hypocrite-free of everything (btw, is there such a word is hypocrite-free? sheeshhh.. who cares?!?)

my students n some of my friends were quite disappointed when i decided not to attend an event organized by my school this friday... zue, my daughter, was quite mad n i could not blame her coz i knew she n her friends have been practicing hard for the event... so, zue... omma would like to say sorry again, ok... :)

then i started to question myself... what was the real reason why i decided not to go? then it became clear.. it is obvious because i know i can't pretend that i am happy, i can't smile n say i'm fine if anyone asks about my well-being n most importantly... I CAN NOT PRETEND THAT EVERYTHING IS OKAY IF I SEE A CERTAIN SOMEONE (or maybe two people... hmmm...) becoz i know my face, my facial expression n heck! even my body language will definitely indicate how much i loathe them n this is something inevitable becoz as i hev stated above.. i am a horrible pretender....

so, to those whom i hate, don't worry.. u guyz will know that i hate u n if u wanna return the favour.. pffft! bring it on n see if i even care, suckahhh!!