Blog 81: awww.....

one very hot afternoon, in a very stuffy classroom filled with 30 noisy, boisterous students...

me : why are you guys so noisy? do you want me to turn into Hulk, only then will you listen to me?

boy : i think you will be a cute, PINK Hulk then, teacher.. hehehe...

THAT statement alone made me smile like an idiot for the whole day....  :)

Blog 80: FAQs...

after more than one year of writing, i am now confident and brave enough to answer some FAQs regarding my beloved blog.... here goes nothing....

1. You seem to be frustrated about something. When I read your blog, you are always complaining about your health, personal life, problems...

Errr.. first and foremost, I would like to apologize if the act of me whining about MY life in my OWN blog makes you feel uncomfortable. But then again, I started writing my blog as a subtle way for me to vent out my feeling without hurting other people... I don't force you to read everything here, so please respect my little secluded whining place, ok!

2. You are an educator. There is a chance that some of your students might read everything you wrote in your blog. Aren't you ashamed of some of your entries, especially under the 'iluvminnie' category?

I never published and advertised my blog to any of my students. Heck! I didn't think that they know it's my blog, to be honest. However, giving the fact that students nowadays are very internet savvy, I don't really mind if they stumble across my page and see the real me. Personally, I think it's fine for them to see that I am also an ordinary human, who actually have a colourful life outside school hours (haha!)

3. You are already 30. Don't you think it's a little bit spooky to be a crazy fangirl, especially to someone who is much younger than you?

Hmm.. I think a lot of people is confused because they thought I was being a typical crazy teenage fangirl. At 30 years of age, I think I am wise enough to know the real reason why Minnie is special to me. I don't think I need to explain further since no one would really understand.. hey! The heart wants what the heart wants so who am I to deny that he is one of the strongest reasons which help my weak heart to beat faster, eh? hehe....

4. You always project yourself as being the victim in some unfavorable situations. Is that true or you are just being biased?

There are always two sides to every story, right? I get to show the shitty things that happen to me from my point of view, so of course there will be a little form of biasness there. I can't be writing about these things and condemning myself after that, right? I have a heart condition, people.. not mental illness... geez!

5. When are you getting married? When are you going to realize that Minnie is just a dream?

Whaaaat? Who is this? Yana? Atie? Uda?... You guys are so gonna get it!!  ;P

Blog 79: the power of words...

words are powerful, don't you think so? sometimes, we tend to forget that certain words carry different meanings, hence the possibility of someone having a different understanding of what you are saying can happen... a lot of times......

sadly, it is also a good reason for something to be misquoted sometimes, either done unintentionally or not (by some people)....

i hate the fact that certain people are so dense sometimes, until they feel that everything i say will always carry negative remarks... but it got me thinking, though...

do i complain a lot? do i gossip too much? am i such a blabbermouth? queen of super laser turbo tongue who spew acid every time something came out from my mouth? wait... i hurt people with my words? wasn't that the other way round?

hmmm.... i though i have done a fine job by being the submissive one, the one who listens in meeting without any form of direct, rude back lash on anything (albeit stupid issues and petty things...) being discussed there...

the one who always says 'yes' even though my feet is already swollen three time its normal size, so walking to those relief classes are like modern day medieval torture sentence....

and yet i am the bad one... sighing means complaining with the intention of challenging what is being assigned to me.. and again i received all those awkward 'smile', weird 'hi' n 'hello' with meaningful glances and indecipherable look... which is supposed to intimidate me? or to scare me?

yup... and yet i am the bad one.... sigh.......

Blog 78: it's karma, baby!

KARMA... hmmm... watch My Name Is Earl and everyone can see why karma's a b*tch.. haha... i don't want to say that i believe in karma wholeheartedly (n as a Muslim, that's also unacceptable.. ) but sometimes i have to admit that karma do play a certain part in helping me to understand some things which are difficult for me to comprehend.. literally...

i believe in simple things... do good things and good things will happen to you... what goes around comes around... do shitty things n in the end you eat sh*t.. hahahahha.. plain n simple...

looking at my condition now, i know all these happen because of a reason... perhaps as a warning that i have forgotten some important elements in my life, especially in my own pursuit of personal achievements which are usually filled with layers of greed and negative pride...

i had my wake up call... my powerful smack right on my face.... and i am thankful for that... i am thankful that i am given the opportunity to 'open' my eyes, to have my chance to repent, to step back a few steps to admire other meaningful things around me, to have a chance to become a much better human being...

because of all these, i am really thankful....

Blog 77: why korean? i say.. why NOT korean?

i an an avid korean fan.. and i think everyone knows that...

i lurve korean dramas, films, artiste, songs, food, Suju, Minnie.. hehehe...

why korean? one might ask... some rude ones would even sarcastically snicker and said i'm crazy... crazy for being a fan of something only 'young' people would love... 

define 'young', please... i think a lot of young people love hindustani films n go loco while looking at the buff chiseled-faced actors but obviously the older fans are not considered pedophile, right?

just because i love something that is considered 'in' right now makes me weird? if i say i love modern pop korean songs suddenly i am a disgrace to my career as an educator?

people laugh when i say i like Minnie... 'perasan muda' they would say.... a cradle snatcher..a cougar (hahaha!) but i don't think all team edward fans out there are younger than him (also born in 1986! surprisingly!) so there nothing 'cougarish' there... haha!

looking at him makes me calm... i don't know why but it does... so SUE me.... aish!

well...for me, growing OLD is INEVITABLE but growing UP is OPTIONAL... i like what i like n i don't have to conform to what others expect of me, right? i don't tell u what u should like so there... shut the **** up!  

Blog 76: qaisara!

who is this?

it's qaisara!! my niece number 3...

isn't she adorable?...

oh yeah.. she's unni yaya's lil sis btw...

aigoooo.... look at these two cuties.... 

  qaisara.. OMMA WUVS U VERY MUCH!!

~aww.. shuckss omma... i wuv u 2... hehe..~

~~~coretan tahapehape 11~~~

 masuk last night dah 2 kali aku mimpi Minnie ckp melayu ngan aku...

dia ckp dia dah penat ngan sume mende nyanyi2 yg dia kene buat nih.. 

n he even asked me whether he could stay wif me in malaysia... hahahaha!

ngape ek?? apasal mimpi aku macam sakai jek?

pelik2 betol mimpi2 aku skarang...

aww... Minnie.... pliz don't change..... alwayz b my adorable cutiepie!

Blog 75: back to active blogging...

aigooo... so many things to do.. so little time given.. i am so super duper busy this year until i neglected the one thing that made me happy last year.. yup..my dear blog.... i'm so sorry....

i am indeed a very bad blog writer.. i used my blog only to vent out my frustrations and sadness and then when things get better.. i forgot about it.. i forgot how good i felt after i poured everything in it.. i forgot how therapeutic it was for my empty soul.. how my blog gave me strength to fight back every demon that came into my life...

NOT ANYMORE! now... back to more active blogging... more sharing of ideas n viewpoints on certain topics... more open display of raw emotion without any form of hypocrisy...

because i write for me... and that's what matters most....

Blog 74: in my dreams...

i have always wanted to have kids so that i would be able to bring them to my favourite bookshop and introduce them to the wonders of reading, books and literature...

one of my dreams... fulfilled....

:)

Blog 73: it is IMPOSSIBLE to please everyone...

i don't really know about everyone but i was born to be very alert about my surroundings.. VERY alert indeed and somehow i think it has started to become a curse instead of a blessing...

i am usually the first one to realize if something is wrong in any situation... or if someone is behaving differently from normal... and i HATE myself for realizing all these simple 'changes' because they are making my mind restless and my heart uneasy... because sometimes it's so pointless to be so empathic when everyone else can be unbelievably dense almost all the time.... 

i HATE myself for always thinking of others first... and always, ALWAYS neglecting what i want... 

i tried to be selfish at times but the guilt i felt after that was so bad so i am back at square one...

but one thing i couldn't stand is sometimes my constant effort to care about something is often overlooked by some people, so much so that some even think that i purposely do all these things to make their lives easier is because i am supposed to be the responsible one.. the one who worries... the one who stupidly care about things which are not my business anyway.. the one who is supposed to think about everything...

but then again... WHO ASKED YOU TO 'SIBUK' ON THE FIRST PLACE, MORON?.... nobody cares about these things so why would you?

TO CARE OR NOT TO CARE... choosing to care about unnecessary things which would bring unwanted annoying feeling of torment and discomfort? or choosing to be an ignorant ass***e  who seems happier when there are less things to worry about...

aish.... this world is already full of blockh***ds anyway.. do i want to be one, too?