Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Blog 88: sympathy? LOL !

I suffered from DCM, hypertension, asthma, sleep apnea, pneumonia and lastly acute gout. My feet swell almost everyday and I could not move that fast because I tend to get tired easily. I could not breathe well and I also have serious problem in getting a good  night sleep. These are the things that I have to deal in every single day.....

Dilated cardiomyopathy or DCM is a condition in which the heart becomes weakened and enlarged and cannot pump blood efficiently.

Hypertension (HTN) or high blood pressure is a cardiac chronic medical condition in which the systemic arterial blood pressure is elevated. 

Bronchitis is inflammation of the mucous membranes of the bronchi, the airways that carry airflow from the trachea into the lungs.

Sleep apnea (or sleep apnoea in British EnglishEnglish pronunciation: /æpˈniːə/) is a sleep disorder characterized by abnormal pauses in breathing or instances of abnormally low breathing, during sleep.

Pneumonia is an inflammatory condition of the lung, especially of the alveoli (microscopic air sacs in the lungs) associated with fever, chest symptoms, and consolidation on a chest radiograph.

Gout (also known as podagra when it involves the big toe) is a medical condition usually characterized by recurrent attacks of acute inflammatory arthritis—a red, tender, hot, swollen joint.

* information taken from www.wikipedia.org

With all these important things in my mind, do YOU still think that I have enough time and energy to plot stupid, shallow actions like using a walking stick just to gain sympathy from others? For someone who is supposed to be much older, YOU sure sound pathetic to me... Please, go bully someone who has the same mental age as you do....  

Monday, July 18, 2011

Blog 87: menahan perasaan yg berbaur2....

nak tau semende? patients with terminal illness like me ade beberapa rahsia yg sebenarnya aku nak sangat cakap tp terpaksa tahan perasaan dek krn menjaga hati dan perasaan org2 sihat yg kadang2 begitulah dahsyat tahap ketidak sensitif an nye... nak tau ape mende yg aku ngarotkan nih? sila lah baca....

a)  kadang2 rimas gak asyik nak jawab bile org tanye aku ok ke tak bile berselisih dgn org... don't get me wrong, aku tau niat yg bertanya tu baik tp kalu dah nampak aku naik tangga cam siput **** sempot sambil terkengkang2 pasal kaki bengkak dua2 belah, bile org tanye 'u ok ke?'...haish... aku nak je jawab 'of coz la x ok.. sempot nak mampos nih.. dahla jalan cam tellytubbies kembang!' .... tp mengenangkan yg bertanya tu niatnya baik, aku pon jawab la baik2... (cube bayangkan kadang2 aku bertembung lebih dr 5 org dlm perjalanan aku ke staff room.. x ke tensen?)

b) bile tau aku ade penyakit jantong, ramai yg bagi nasihat x berbayar 'pasal ape x gi IJN?'.. buat pengetahuan sume.. IJN biasenye amek kes2 yg betul2 kronik tahap last resort dah or kes besar2 yg hosp biase x leh handle or surgery yg rumit2.. so kesimpulannya, tanpa disedari, soalan ni seolah2 dengan heartless bermaksud knape aku sakit jantung tahap biase jek.. knape x tahap gi IJN.. barulah org pecaya ko ni sakit jantong, kalu tak ko belakon jek tuh!.. hahahha!

c) ade gak golongan pemberi nasihat x berbayar yg sedap jek ckp... haaa..... camne x kene penyakit jantong.. badan tu tak jaga, gemok.. kolestrol tinggi... halo? aku ade DCM hokey, ade kaitan ngan heart muscle aku yg sememangnye lemah sjk lahir, bukan nye aku ade coronary disease.. aigoo.... aku dah buat full checkup every 6 months, gula aku ok, kidneys aku ok (for now...) n surprise surprise! kolestrol aku pon ok... doc aku cko org kurus pon boley dapat kolestrol tinggi... haa... tulah.. lain kali sebelum bagi nasihat, sila google dule ye carik info yg betol..... btw, yg tukang ckp tu dah check kolestrol ke belom? kang tetibe lebih tinggi dari aku punye kang baru ko taw!.. hahahh.. (aku tensen sebenarnya pasal aku tau org yg ckp tu nak perli aku pasal aku debab... hahhaa!)

d) bile aku ckp aku makan lassix (ubat nak keluarkan excess water from my body) ramai yg x paham ngape aku perlu MC or dtg lambat... nak kena kau cakap yg kenkadang air tu klua sesuka suki ke baru ko paham maksud sebenar bile aku ckp aku kena berkhemah dlm toilet tu? kang ade mende klua tanpe kusedari mase aku berdiri ngajar kat depan kelas kang baru tau! sape yg trauma? sape?!?  anak2 murid aku gak............

e) saya makan almost 25 bijik ubat everyday... bayangkanlah keadaan diri saya bile sometimes ubat2 itu memberi kesan yg pelbagai2... hahha... mmg kenkadang aku agak sewel tp nak wat camne? korang makan penadol ngan ubat batok je dah lesu satu badan kan? habes tu aku yg telan berkali2 ganda nih? lagi nak cakap sakit aku x cukup kronik... ceh!

jadi, jelaskah mengapa kadang2 perasaan ku berbaur2 antara marah+tensen+kesian n also rasa nak maki orag? haa.... tima kasih kerana membaca! 

Sunday, July 3, 2011

Blog 86: when it rains, it pours...

assalamualaikum.....

lama x update blog.. been very2 sick lately... the latest, i added acute gout to my list of never ending pain n suffering n i could only say one word about gout...

HELL... pure hell....

this came from a person who endured two minor heart attacks n angio.. but seriously..... gout is pure hell....

the pain was indescribable... sejak aku sakit x pernah aku rase macam nak letupkan bumi ni... but the day when i got the attack, i was really hoping i could blow something up just to see something or someone else suffer instead of me...

punyala sakit gile.... i tried 2 be strong... tried to tell myself that this is another test for me.. a test to see whether aku boleh bertahan atau tidak... a test to see how strong i could be to fight all these.... a test to see my level of faith n the love i receive from those around me...

tapi ya Allah... kadang2 hambamu ini tertanya2... betapa lama lagi diriku dapat menahan semua dugaan MU ini?

 

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