time: 12.00 p.m.
2 dayz ago uda told me about a new blog she read psl parents yg lost their daughter to an illness about two months back. memule mmg aku namo bukak n tengok coz u know... aku rase aku xnak membaca something yg akan membawa impak yg terlalu hebat untuk aku, tapi as usual lah.. tangan gatalkan, so mase sume org dah tido dlm pkl 2 pagi aku pon bace blog tuh...
skali.. ha.. amek kau!... siap meraung! puas aku cover tutup mulut aku pakai bantal takot yana dengar. truthfully, x penah aku rase sedih n sayu macam nih... betol2 sedih giler! nampak sangat these two parents betul2 rase kehilangan, seolah2 macam a part of their lives died too.. thanx to de the new tech n all, they managed 2 capture a lot of pics n vids a sumenye betol2 menyayatkan hati.. aku sedar skarang betapa dalamnye kasih sayang ibu n bapa pd anaknye, walaupun anak yg 'dipinjamkan' oleh Allah tu hidup x sampai pun setahun...
yg aku nak share kat sini, yg betul2 buat aku sayu ialah aku rase dengan sume gambar2 n vids yg ade mesti x same dengan all the memories yg bermain2 dalam fikiran both daddy n mummy tu... n dis i could see clearly on the things they wrote, the poems they create n the songs they dedicate to their little guardian angel in heaven. thinking about dis suddenly made me cry.. why? tetibe aku teringat kat mama n abah aku n aku bayangkan macam manelah agaknye diorang nak cope kalau ditakdirkan aku yg 'pergi' dulu.... arwah baby tu baru jek nak dekat setahun when she lost her battle to her illness, tapi mummy ngan daddy die banyak kenangan manis yg diorang boley ingat vividly macam seolah2 everything happened just yesterday. dalam kes aku, aku dah hidup lebih 3 dekad, so bayangkanlah betape banyaknye memori yg ade dalam abah ngan mama aku punye ingatan, so aku harap sangat2 kalau ape2 terjadik, diorang xlah terlalu sedih sampai diorang sendirik sakit. hopefully, ngan adenye nuha ngan auliya, sedikit keperitan tu akan berkurangan n diorang xlah payah piker pasal aku je sampai bile2....
secare jujurnya, bile aku tau my life is literally like a walking time bomb wif my failing heart n all, i admit mmg aku gile sekejap... tp lame2 aku ok... aku try to take things positive n at the same time aku cuba juga 'menyiapkan' perkara2 yg aku rase penting kalaulah tetibe aku x bangun lagi. i settlekan my insurance affair, naming all my waris2 penerima n how my savings n my car or any form of money that i hev or i will get so dat tak kan timbul masalah later on. i told my siblings dat if aku x mampu buat keputusan atas alasan aku tengah stroke or koma.,aku x mau sebarang derma2 kidney or any parts of their bodies yg might harm them or buat diorang hidup x selesa... why? becoz aku dah banyak baca about these things, kalu my condition sampai perlu buat surgery, actually the % of me being fully cured agak mustahil sebenarnya... it might give me 5 to 7 extra years more to live tapi buat ape kalu aku hidup knowing the fact that one of my siblings x bley buat kerje berat forever coz ade satu kidney aje only or any other complications yang bakal timbul later on... sorry, i know u guyz love me but i just feel it's not worth it...
aku percaya Allah tau ape yg dia rancangkan untuk aku... kalu aku dapat hidup lame sikit, aku akan anggap it bonus buat aku.. kalu x, i should be happy wif what i hev coz there's no point being sad or wishing that things happen differently. rite now i am satisfied wif what i hev, i am happy wif my life... my illness shows me how deep my parents' n siblings' love to me. my illness also makes me realize my true frens, my lovely n cute students n most importantly, it helps me to see life differently n for that, i am always thankful............
p/s: mama, do u know dat every time mama datang bilik along bile along batok2 n tanye ape yg boley mama buat nak hilangkan sakit along ni, pastu marah2 bile nengok along bukak aircond or kipas kuat or minum air sejuk, it really2 sad for me 2 know dat u pretended to be angry at me becoz u know u can't do anything to help me... believe me mama, it's not u or abah's fault n i never blame u guyz for this... so stop worrying too much about me..... please.......
skali.. ha.. amek kau!... siap meraung! puas aku cover tutup mulut aku pakai bantal takot yana dengar. truthfully, x penah aku rase sedih n sayu macam nih... betol2 sedih giler! nampak sangat these two parents betul2 rase kehilangan, seolah2 macam a part of their lives died too.. thanx to de the new tech n all, they managed 2 capture a lot of pics n vids a sumenye betol2 menyayatkan hati.. aku sedar skarang betapa dalamnye kasih sayang ibu n bapa pd anaknye, walaupun anak yg 'dipinjamkan' oleh Allah tu hidup x sampai pun setahun...
yg aku nak share kat sini, yg betul2 buat aku sayu ialah aku rase dengan sume gambar2 n vids yg ade mesti x same dengan all the memories yg bermain2 dalam fikiran both daddy n mummy tu... n dis i could see clearly on the things they wrote, the poems they create n the songs they dedicate to their little guardian angel in heaven. thinking about dis suddenly made me cry.. why? tetibe aku teringat kat mama n abah aku n aku bayangkan macam manelah agaknye diorang nak cope kalau ditakdirkan aku yg 'pergi' dulu.... arwah baby tu baru jek nak dekat setahun when she lost her battle to her illness, tapi mummy ngan daddy die banyak kenangan manis yg diorang boley ingat vividly macam seolah2 everything happened just yesterday. dalam kes aku, aku dah hidup lebih 3 dekad, so bayangkanlah betape banyaknye memori yg ade dalam abah ngan mama aku punye ingatan, so aku harap sangat2 kalau ape2 terjadik, diorang xlah terlalu sedih sampai diorang sendirik sakit. hopefully, ngan adenye nuha ngan auliya, sedikit keperitan tu akan berkurangan n diorang xlah payah piker pasal aku je sampai bile2....
secare jujurnya, bile aku tau my life is literally like a walking time bomb wif my failing heart n all, i admit mmg aku gile sekejap... tp lame2 aku ok... aku try to take things positive n at the same time aku cuba juga 'menyiapkan' perkara2 yg aku rase penting kalaulah tetibe aku x bangun lagi. i settlekan my insurance affair, naming all my waris2 penerima n how my savings n my car or any form of money that i hev or i will get so dat tak kan timbul masalah later on. i told my siblings dat if aku x mampu buat keputusan atas alasan aku tengah stroke or koma.,aku x mau sebarang derma2 kidney or any parts of their bodies yg might harm them or buat diorang hidup x selesa... why? becoz aku dah banyak baca about these things, kalu my condition sampai perlu buat surgery, actually the % of me being fully cured agak mustahil sebenarnya... it might give me 5 to 7 extra years more to live tapi buat ape kalu aku hidup knowing the fact that one of my siblings x bley buat kerje berat forever coz ade satu kidney aje only or any other complications yang bakal timbul later on... sorry, i know u guyz love me but i just feel it's not worth it...
aku percaya Allah tau ape yg dia rancangkan untuk aku... kalu aku dapat hidup lame sikit, aku akan anggap it bonus buat aku.. kalu x, i should be happy wif what i hev coz there's no point being sad or wishing that things happen differently. rite now i am satisfied wif what i hev, i am happy wif my life... my illness shows me how deep my parents' n siblings' love to me. my illness also makes me realize my true frens, my lovely n cute students n most importantly, it helps me to see life differently n for that, i am always thankful............
p/s: mama, do u know dat every time mama datang bilik along bile along batok2 n tanye ape yg boley mama buat nak hilangkan sakit along ni, pastu marah2 bile nengok along bukak aircond or kipas kuat or minum air sejuk, it really2 sad for me 2 know dat u pretended to be angry at me becoz u know u can't do anything to help me... believe me mama, it's not u or abah's fault n i never blame u guyz for this... so stop worrying too much about me..... please.......
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