Blog 85: my first crush....

long before my heart was taken by Minnie (hehhehe..) there was this one special guy who deserved to be in my journal....

he was my first celebrity crush... a real one... nope, not the stoopid bandwagon thingy like Yusry KRU (wtf intan???!!)..

how do i know he was different.. well, same like Minnie... I fell in love with his eyes first, because i could clearly see the 'pain' in there... his songs 'spoke' to me...i felt his pain and the feeling of loneliness.... i understand some of his view in life....

but he was gone, too early i think... because he could have been a legend by now... well, technically he is considered the legend but a LIVING legend could have been much better.... 

this is one of the things that i still could not understand until now... the world is full of pain and agony, i get that... but why was it so hard for you to see the other beautiful part of it? why couldn't you feel the love from people around you? why did you choose the easy way out by ending your own life?

it might end for you but for those who love and admire you for your passion, and those who could see up till now how special you are, the pain of losing you is still deep and bleeding... yup, even after these 17 long years ..... 

RIP KURT COBAIN

1967-1994

Hear Ye! Hear Ye!

THIS IS OFFICIALLY 

MY 

100th ENTRY!

YAY TO ME!

~ congratulation n celebration... lalalalalalalalalala ~

Blog 84: aish.... knape jadik skema balik???

tetibe jek nengok my recent posts n baru tersedar yg i wrote everything in full english again... without me realizing it... aish....

as i've already stated in my recent post, my mind ni kadang2 mmg bengos... bile mase tah aku start tulis full english macam kertas muet.. pastu x sedar plak tu.. mmg betol la kot ade skru longgar dlm otak ku ini.. harharhar!

sebenarnye x de ape2 pon.. boley jek aku nk tulis camne2 pon.. my blog kan.. sukehati la aku nak tulis camne pon... kalu tetibe aku rase nak experimen gune bahasa jerman (ciptaan sendirik) or bahasa yabedabedabeda nuha cinta or bahasa pacap pacep pacap auliya ade sape2 kesah?? aish!!!

ade satu blog yg aku bace mase aku tengah blogwalking tulis a few things yg buat aku rase seday sikit... siap kutuk2 blog org yg konon2 x de follower lah... x de comment lah... siap boley kate buat ape tulis blog lagik kalu x de sape yg bace... siap kutuk org yg anggap blog ni macam diary, tulis mende2 yg sepatutnya simpan dlm otak sendirik jek... macam org laen berminat nak tau pon...

sume org ade hak nak cakap ape2 pon n aku x marah pon pd si penulis tu... mmg blog dia awesome pon,  ramai org baca n ramai giler org komen..  

well, pada aku mudah jek...

x sume org yg tulis blog pasal nak follower yg ramai berkepuk2.. or org komen non stop... ade org yg macam aku yg hanya nak merekodkan mende2 yg aku suka or things yg buat aku happy... cume kenkadang, aku rase ade gak mende2 yg aku tulis ni boley gak beri hiburan (ye ke? kes over perasan nih!!) pd org yg tetibe terblogwalk ke ruang bebelan aku ni...

aku amat2 open minded.. blog mencarot pon aku bace, blog emo yg asik2 pinpoint sume kekurangan+kesedihan+kesilapan org n mende lain pon aku bace, blog tah hape hape pon aku bace..just because i love reading something honest, something yg comes from the mind n the heart of the writer....

i read blogs about other heart problem patients yg kadang2 lebih teruk condition nye dari aku n serta merta aku bersyukur sangat2 yg keadaan aku lebih baik dari dia...

i read blogs from teenagers just to understand them better because i have to deal with them day in day out...

i read blogs yg fangirling si minnie sampai tahap mereng n gelak coz sebenarnya aku pon kenkadang aku rase gitu gak, cume aku lebih matang n waras... hehehe..... (btw.. minnie suka matured noona kan?? hahahah!)

i believe everyone has his/her own right to write about anything they want.. we, the readers yg ade our own right nak pilih mana blog yg kita nak baca... simple kan?  

Blog 83: check up time...

i happened to look at my cardiologists' appt. card and argghhhh! the date of my next checkup is approaching..... soon....

i won't lie to you.. i am afraid... nope, scrap that.. i am TERRIFIED... like, literally scared out of my wits thinking about what will happen during the checkup... is my heart healthier? am i getting better? are my meds working? so many questions but deep down inside.. i really.. really don't want to know the answer....

i know it's impossible that i'll be 100% cured, i get that fact crystal clear.. but the human in me will always have that little hope, that tiny 'what if' feelings, praying hard that all this thing is just a dream...

hey, a girl can hope, right?

Intan's poem collection vol. 3

i blog because........

i blog to vent my fury

i blog to express my worries

i blog because i got things to tell

i blog because i need a space to yell

i blog because my life is short

i blog simply because i'm bored

i blog because i am a terrible writer

i blog with hope that i could be better

i blog to tell all of you about my stories

my life and most importantly, my precious memories....

intannoorfaiza04062011

Blog 82: i hate this word.... ~death~

i know i seldom talk about this thing but that doesn't mean that i don't think about it all the time....

it's kinda difficult to ignore this fact if you are in my condition....

as much as i thought i am prepared for it (in a way... well, i know i should do more good things n upgrade myself to be a better Muslim).... i am still in shock when i heard that i lost another student last monday due to leukemia...

it hurts a lot because my student is supposed to grow up, enter uni, get a good job, start a family, do all those normal things that an ordinary 14-year-old should do....

but apparently Allah loves him more...

i cried... i cried because i am scared... i am scared to see how short a person's life could be... how everything would just end abruptly... like a short blow to a candle on a birthday cake...

haishhhh..... i hate this 'heavy' feeling in my chest... i really do.....

rest in peace amirul... u have been a very strong fighter to the very end and i wish i have the same strength  and courage like yours when my time comes....

to hidayu, it's been almost 4 years since you are gone and teacher still remembers you, up till now...